Stylerony

You’re sitting quietly eating dinner with you partner. Engaging in some polite conversation about the weather with your partner. Then smash! An elite fighting force of sharply dressed men bust through your door and windows. You’ve just been busted by the fashion police. What do you do hotshot? What do you do? Well it’s fall, so for a lot of us that means hitting the pavement for a fashion forward style. But allow me to suggest something else: looking back to last year’s Halloween for an ironic new trend.

I don’t give a shit about the guy in the ironic heavy metal shirt and cheap sunglasses. Same goes for the girl with feathered hair in American Apparel shorts and a shirt that has some inane saying in big letters on the front. You too guy who spends 12 hours a week scavenging vintage stores for your outfits. White girl ironically embracing hip hop fashion especially.

People who are unintentionally ironic are a different story though. I do care about this one guy who wears a handmade hemp net over his clothes. If you saw this guy on the street and you might mistake him for a homeless person but he’s not—I’m pretty sure he isn’t even a hippy. He’s just likes wearing a net and has been doing so for years. He carries himself well and for that I salute him. He might have the best style in the country.

You might be spot a bunch of frat boys and catch yourself saying “Why haven’t the fashion police sniper squad taken these losers out with headshots already?” The reason is frat boys have great style if you look at it as an ironic statement. With their “Canada Kicks Ass” shirts, sandals and tribal arm band tattoos. Take these people out of the Tragically Hip concert and put them in a different setting and they’re the coolest dressed people in the room. If they only knew how wonderfully ironic their outfits were.

Irony can be your friend too if you’re mindful not to look like a try-hard. How about dressing as a Medieval bar wench chic? Roman eunuch? A bride on her wedding day? Goth, hippie, Shriner, or carnie? If you don’t fit into any of those groups, merely getting a tattoo on your face would work nicely as well. There are a thousand great new looks out there if you just put your mind to it. Just be careful not to take it too far or you’re asking for trouble. Allow me to cite Prince Harry and that time he dressed up like a Nazi for a laugh. A bit closer to home, I know a guy who picked a fight with another guy in a wheelchair because he thought it was some lame attempt at irony (the guy needed the wheelchair but that’s beside the point).

The next time fashion police come a knock knocking, answer the door wearing pants for a shirt, a shirt for pants and accessorize with shoes on your hands. Ironic fashion is the way to go, you just need to be clever. Some say sarcasm is the lowest form of humour. I say people who say that are boring to hang out with. That’s the only style lesson I can impart on you. That and Uggs are hella comfortable and you only make fun of them ‘cause you’re jealous. Jealous!